Since I have posted a photo of 2 monkeys in my previous post, today's News of the Day will be monkey-related.
Okay so there is this zoo in China called Wuhan Zoo.
In this zoo lives a 3 month old Francois langur monkey (which is apparently a very rare specimen). It's a tiny little thing without teeth cos it's still a baby.
Typical zoo visitors at the zoo tried to toss it some peanuts despite giant PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS signs (what's new.)
Baby monkey was curious and greedy and picked up a peanut and swallowed it whole (because it had no teeth to chew, you see).
The next day it started looking sick and constipated (presumably because the peanut was too damn big to pass through its tiny monkey butt.)
Meet Zhang Bangsheng. He's a zookeeper working at the Wuhan zoo. He is one of the few men who takes his job VERY seriously. (and i mean VERY, as you will see.)
Zhang saw the constipated baby monkey who was at risk of dying because of its greediness and thought "Oh NO, I must save baby monkey! Baby monkey rare, must not die!" (yea I made that part up but I'm sure that was PART of what went through his mind. The other part was what he did next.)
(Here I shall not paraphrase and just write exactly what I read because it is honestly the best paragraph EVER to be written in the English language.)
"50-year-old Zhang Bangsheng used warm water to clean a small Francois langur monkey's buttocks, then began using his mouth to lick it, not stopping for over an hour, until the little monkey defecated a single peanut. Only after the peanut was defecated did Zhang Bangsheng laugh with satisfaction."
Yes.
A few things went through my mind after reading that.
1. Is it a scientific fact that being licked in the anus relieves constipation?
If so, bye bye laxatives.
2. WHY, in a situation of life and death, was licking a monkey's constipated butt the FIRST thing Zhang thought of doing?
Unless he's been eyeing that ass for 3 months and thought this was the best opportunity to fullfill his fantasy without being seen as a creep.
3. HOW did Zhang manage to keep the monkey still for ONE WHOLE HOUR so he could properly lick its butt?
I would expect the monkey to struggle a little at least. I mean come on, if some different species were to come within 50 metres of my ass, I WOULD RUN. That is not to say that I would NOT run if a same species were to come within 50 metres of my ass. Because I would. Right after I taser/pepper spray said species.
4. Zhang must have had a lot of practice in butt licking if he can do so for an ENTIRE HOUR without his jaw cramping up.
Any other normal human would have had a lockjaw within the first 20 minutes.
5. Is Zhang married or currently seeing somebody?
Because I have no idea how she would let him kiss her or even let his tongue come anywhere near her after this.
This dude should be awarded an Inaugural Zookeeper of the Century Award.
Unless it already exists.
Then he would win it.
Hands down.
